Today living scares me for some reason, and I honestly don't know why.
Just the sheer facts of being alive right now is frightening to me. It shouldn't be. I should be happy because I am dead to sin and alive in CHRIST! I think today is just one of those (well another one of those days) that my mind is running mad. spinning mad. fast. Too fast; eventually I'll learn how to calm it, and calm my spirit... and This David Crowder song just came on

"In the end when all of this is gone
And all that's living has moved on
The sun and moon will finally set
The wind will lay the seas to rest

In the end when all our souls will rise
All the nations, all the sides
Will feel the need for that dark place
For I and thee in His embrace

In His shadow there is peace
In His arms there is rest
In His word there is hope
In His hands there is grace

In the end, no hurting
In the end, no yearning
In the end, no suffering
No sadness or pain
In the end


To the end when all of this is gone
And all that's living has moved on
The sun and moon will rise and set
The wind will bring the seas to rest

To the end when all our souls will rise
All the nations, all the sides
Will feel the need for this dark place
For I am loved and this is His embrace

In His shadow there is peace
In His arms there is rest
In His word there is hope
In His hands there is grace

To the end, there's hurting
To the end, there's yearning
To the end, there's suffering
You're waiting and waiting

Oh to the end...
Oh to the end...

When it's dark
Souls will shine
When it's dark
We will rise

We were made to live forever...
We were made to live forever...

We will live to live forever...
We will live to live forever..."

Its so funny to me how peoples emotions are so effected by everything around us, I cant really comprehend how one can be happy, sad, frantic and every other emotion in the course of one day


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My life works in consistent tragedies just with different characters.
My brain works in lists of pros and cons wrapping and intertwining itself till I can't see the light of day and I'm spinning faster than a top

a dog can only chase its tail for so long

No matter how many times I run and play this game of hide and seek, You seem to take my back, dust me off, and love me all the more.

I let the last thread go.

The last strand, it’s gone I’ve given it up.

Finally.

Truly.

Honestly.

Wholly.

Completely.

How many times have I said that before? Too many to count. How many times have I said I’m serious about this, lets do this. Too many to fathom. I’ve beaten myself up over this to no end. Every time I return, I drown my logic out, I drown out You.

The darkness shields our faces and we reveal our secrets. Everyone’s got one, you tell me yours and I’ll tell me mine. Must I always prolong the end? All it does it blind me to the truth, I should know better than that by now.. I should know.. I do know…

When will I learn?

I dig myself so deep no one can get me out. I sit and wallow in my imperfection, my naivety, and my self pity. Replay. Over in my mind, and rationalize. Always rationalize. Where’s the reason and what’s the ration. How many times must I drag myself through the day, through the dirt, through the decision

I’m waking up from my dreams, I’m waking up to the light. I want every waking moment to be full of You. Only You. Turn my affections. Show me Your jealousy.

I’d like to think of my self as a modern day David. A soul torn between life and the Lover. Crying on the couch drowning in tears one day and the next dancing as a lunatic for the Creator. Doubting one second trusting the next. Destined for greatness abounding in the Truth, lost in a mad mind.