a dog can only chase its tail for so long

No matter how many times I run and play this game of hide and seek, You seem to take my back, dust me off, and love me all the more.

I let the last thread go.

The last strand, it’s gone I’ve given it up.

Finally.

Truly.

Honestly.

Wholly.

Completely.

How many times have I said that before? Too many to count. How many times have I said I’m serious about this, lets do this. Too many to fathom. I’ve beaten myself up over this to no end. Every time I return, I drown my logic out, I drown out You.

The darkness shields our faces and we reveal our secrets. Everyone’s got one, you tell me yours and I’ll tell me mine. Must I always prolong the end? All it does it blind me to the truth, I should know better than that by now.. I should know.. I do know…

When will I learn?

I dig myself so deep no one can get me out. I sit and wallow in my imperfection, my naivety, and my self pity. Replay. Over in my mind, and rationalize. Always rationalize. Where’s the reason and what’s the ration. How many times must I drag myself through the day, through the dirt, through the decision

I’m waking up from my dreams, I’m waking up to the light. I want every waking moment to be full of You. Only You. Turn my affections. Show me Your jealousy.

I’d like to think of my self as a modern day David. A soul torn between life and the Lover. Crying on the couch drowning in tears one day and the next dancing as a lunatic for the Creator. Doubting one second trusting the next. Destined for greatness abounding in the Truth, lost in a mad mind.